Trainwreck

For being someone who talks a lot about loving to write, I sure don’t chase after the words inside my brain too often. It’s always “Yeah, I’m going to write today,” and then never actually doing it. Or it’s thinking about what I want to write, but never taking the step to open my computer. Or I’ll feel like writing when I’m in the middle of doing something, so I can’t stop to sit down and organize my thoughts. I’ll even open my computer and start writing, but then I hate every word, and delete everything. Regardless of what the scenario is, I always end up right back at square one; which is 0 words, 0 pieces, and overall, just 0 effort. 

I want the words to flow easy. 

The question is, HOW do I do that?

Additionally: Am I really a writer? Is that what I’m actually supposed to be doing with my life?

I have a huge list of things I want to write about, and everytime I’m in the mood to write, I pull out that list, and I pick something I want to discuss. And then I’ll start typing, but it’s never RIGHT. It’s like my writing feels disconnected from my thoughts, and I don’t know how to FIX it. 

It’s awful having something you’re so passionate about, something that you want to do for the rest of your life, but feeling like you aren’t even good at it. It’s so discouraging. 

And I’m not writing this to fish for compliments, that’s not it at all. I don’t really have an end goal regarding this short snippet from my mind, but it’s definitely not for compliments. Maybe advice? Maybe a sense of hope? 

I don’t know guys n gals, but hopefully sometime soon we’ll get to a place where I’m not critiquing myself this brutally.