Before I get into it, this post isn’t a “how to.”

“How to STOP being sad.”

There are a number of other topics I feel authorized to write you something on, like, “How to sleep for 18 consecutive hours,” or “How to convince people you’re actually cooler than you are.”

“How to get in with the bros” -A skill of mine.

“How to overcome your awkwardness and sell clothes to an ex-Kardashian” -another title I’ve played around with.

But “How to stop being sad,” is not exactly a subject I can give an instructional guide on quite yet.

Because I myself have not figured it out entirely.

With that said, welcome to my first biannual blog post of 2021. I’ll get you your complimentary merch in a sec, but if you haven’t guessed by now, we’re gonna talk about being sad.

I know, I know, how am I in any way, qualified to talk about such a broad and intricate topic like this one? I have no cure, no secret trick that magically fends off the negative thoughts that plague our minds. But I do know that all of you crazy kids out there (myself included) joke about your crippling depression and anxiety like it’s a defining characteristic of who you are, but it’s not. It’s also not a way to deflect your internal struggle!

So, I decided to write this, because being sad is a feeling I know all too well. Sometimes it just creeps up, and before I know it, it’s like I got ninja-flipped straight onto my back with the wind completely knocked out of me. And after reaching a point of realizing my eyes were beginning to permanently look puffy, I decided that I’m getting really tired of being curb-stomped by my inner pain, and I don’t think I’m the only one who feels like that.

Anyways, for the sake of discussion, I decided I’m going to get vulnerable with you. I’m not really good at the whole “talking about what I’m feeling” thing, but I’m going to pretend no one is ever going to read this and I’m gonna force it out of myself anyways.

Got it? We good? Cool.

As a kid, I was really fortunate to be as sheltered as I was from any kind of misery or despair. The most chaotic thing that happened to me was of my own doing: I once tried to friend-break-up with Christy by serving her divorce papers in fifth grade. Obviously that one didn’t really work out because she’s still my best friend, but that was the gist of it. I wasn’t sad, just theatrical. A liiiiiittle too dramatic for my own good. Other than that, when I look back on my childhood, I can pick out a TON of random highlights. A few examples:

Camping in the desert which entailed: lighting illegal fireworks, cartwheeling over fire, and getting the crap scared out of me when playing hide and seek at night
Pretending to be “Indians” in the bushes behind my house… which I know is borderline politically incorrect, but I was like 5, so I didn’t know any better.
Creating soap opera-worthy drama for my stuffed animals

I was on another level. Seriously. My biggest worry in life was trying to find my stuffed elephant, Nelly, a husband so that way her four kids didn’t have daddy issues growing up. Sadness? We didn’t know her. Other underlying issues that probably required some sort of therapy? Absolutely. But we’ll save that for another blog post.

I guess you could say I lived a pretty “sheltered” life up until about eighth grade. And BOY, do I wish I knew what I had when I had it, because my naive sense of joy didn’t last forever.

The year before going into high school, Christy found out she was moving to Texas. As a teenage girl with few friends and some chunky social anxiety issues, this was pretty awful, heart-wrenching stuff. I mean, she was moving half-way across the country! What was I supposed to do without her in high school? How was I going to survive?

Everything was falling apart. That whole 70+ year plan I’d created in my head for us, was crumbling away into dust. We weren’t going to be able to start high school together. Or snatch the “cutest best friends” page in the yearbook our senior year. There was going to be no dancing at prom together, or walking across the stage at our graduation. Double dates were definitely off the table for whenever we got boyfriends, because you can’t exactly do that from halfway across the country. You couldn’t do ANY of these things from that far away.

How were we supposed to live next door to each other in the same neighborhood with a bridge connecting our two houses so that way our kids could grow up together and eventually one day fall in love making us the super cool bestie grandmas to our future grandchildren?

The answer: That probably wasn’t going to happen anymore.

And if we’re putting this whole scenario of her leaving, into simpler terms: I. Was. Sad. My brain really said, “Welcome to being depressed. We hope you stay awhile.”

Call me privileged, call me naive, but after living such a bubble-wrapped life, it was like a switch flipped in my head and I was suddenly hyper aware of how every little thing impacted my emotions. Every minor inconvenience, every fail, and every battle I lost. And if you’re anything at all like me, you don’t like to tell people how you’re feeling; you don’t like to put that on others. And if you’re anything at all like the typical Gen Z in this day and age, you use self-deprecating humor as a defense-mechanism in the hopes that you don’t have to open up.

You know it’s true, so don’t try and deny it.

It’s been 6 years since Christy moved, and I know you’re all here probably thinking I’m built different because my sadness eventually got better, and I haven’t been overcome by a negative emotion since. Well, I hate to break the news to you, but that’s a lie.

It’s been a rough wear and tear process over the course of my life since she left. Issues with self harm, body dysmorphia, an eating disorder, and overall just struggling with what life sometimes likes to throw at me. Christy leaving wasn’t the event that caused those things, but they’re a few issues I’ve faced throughout the seasons of my life SINCE. Not because of. And if I’m being completely vulnerable and honest, the things I just listed are internal conflicts I’ve never told even the people I’m closest with.

Isn’t that crazy? Some of the most pivotal, dark, and serious moments of my life have been a secret I’ve been hauling around like heavy baggage in an airport, for a very long time.

I told you guys this isn’t a “how to” guide, and it’s not. It’s definitely not. But as someone who has done my fair share of “hauling baggage,” if I can leave you with one thing to take away from my ramblings, it would be this: I think having someone who can meet you where you’re at is important. There’s roughly 7.7 billion people in the world, and I can guarantee you that someone out there is equipped enough to help you with your trials.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had friends pick me up when I’ve fallen. The first person who comes to my mind is my friend Ethan. My entire sophomore year, he was my rock. He was the friend whose house I would run away to when my life at home got to be a little too much for me. Another friend I can think of is my friend Maika. She’s so intentional with how she approaches people and their emotional battles. Get you someone like that!

And then there’s obviously Christy who I know I’ve now mentioned for like the fourth time in here. (What can I say? I love the girl). But even from Texas she can somehow still get on my level when I’m spiraling downwards. I don’t know HOW, but she does it without fail every single time. It’s like her super power. She’s the definition of, “Tell me why you’re sad, and I promise to try and meet you there.”

Don’t mistake it, I’m not always “I want to end it all,” “there’s no point,” “kill me,” sad all the time. More often than not I’d like to think I’m chillin’.

Some days I’m totally feeling myself.

Some days I drive around blasting the Mamma Mia soundtrack on Highway 101 just because I CAN.

Some days my mom tells me I have a cute butt, and whether she means it or not, that’s the most elite compliment a mother can give her daughter.

Some days I take mirror selfies because I got a new pair of shoes and the world deserves to have me stunt on them.

But some days, like last week, I sit in the church parking lot sobbing about everything going wrong in my life; thinking about all the ways I can self-sabotage and put up my wall because I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy. Because I feel worthless. Because I feel lost.

But that’s just it!

One day I’m flexing on everyone in my new pair of boots, and the next I’m hysterically crying. WHAT DOES THIS TELL YOU?

Here it is: Everything is temporary.

I saw this thing once, and it said “We need the sadness in our lives, because if we were happy all the time, if we didn’t know struggle, we wouldn’t appreciate the feeling of joy when it does come around.” Life ebbs and flows, baby. One minute you’re on top of the world, and the next you’re being dragged down into your dark and twisty place.

Did I just blow your mind?

It’s true! Sadness, happiness, good times, bad times, none of it will last forever. We are so hard on ourselves, and we put so much effort into trying to constantly be “OKAY,” but we don’t even realize that if we just ride it out, we’ll get to where we want to be eventually. We’ll heal, and then we’ll do it all over again.

And yeah, me and my dark and twisty place (I named him Craig) are olddddd acquaintances. He visited me last week, and let me just say, he is QUITE the character. He has a satirical way of making teenage girls cry. But you know that lame saying you’ve heard your entire life, the one that goes “Time heals all wounds?” That stupid one?

Yeah, it’s true.

So even though Craig likes to make me cry to the point where I look stoned out of my mind, time is a beautiful thing we’ve been blessed with. Take advantage of its healing properties!

We also have to realize that literally everyone in the history of everyone has been sad to some extent. Like I said earlier, there’s 7.7 BILLION of us on this planet. So even when you feel completely isolated within yourself, just remember that someone out there has felt like that too. Bro, even Jesus wept. Idk about you, but that makes me feel oddly comforted. #sadboihours

Think of it this way even: My boy Zac Efron has probably been sad. Olivia Rodrigo couldn’t have written “Driver’s License” if she was happy. Kim K! I mean for real, look at her and Kanye. The Kimye divorce! That’s gotta be ROUGH. Hopefully he’s happy with that cotton candy man tho.

Do you see what I’m getting at?

Being sad is NORMAL. It’s OKAY.

Is it sucky to feel like that? Of course.

But that hopeless, overbearing feeling will be so worth it, for the days that we come out on top.

For the days we laugh so hard our sides hurt. For the days we find ourselves somewhere we’ve never been before, and we’re greeted with nothing but otherworldly beauty. For the days someone tells you they love you. For the day that we see our sadness as nothing more than a blip on our radar, years from now.

I know how difficult life is. I know there are times you just wanna lay in bed and cry for three days straight while rewatching the Twilight movies because you have nothing better to do. You’ll skip showers. It’ll be a test of your personal hygiene. But let me ingrain it in your head that whatever you’re dealing with right now, IT WILL PASS! Life will test you, and then reward you time and time again. It’ll get easier to take the hits, and it’ll get easier to rise up out of your ashes too.

I mean, come on. 8th grade Skylar was freaking out about losing her best friend. And even though we didn’t score ourselves a whole yearbook page highlighting just how cute our friendship is, we DID get that double date.

And that’s something my sadness led me to believe would never happen.

Sad Society

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